pissvortex:

infomercial man: call now and we’ll DOUBLE our offer

6 year old me who has never seen an infomercial before:

butchheshe:

Jonathan form queer eye hitting on every ugly straight guy to boost their self steem is braver than any US marine

ldolised:

*falls in love with someone who was nice to me in my dream*

dogs99999:

i hate the end of the semester so much! every day im like “ok honey u need to do x y and z or u will nearly fail all ur classes” and then when it comes down to it i’m watching 5 hours of youtube makeup tutorials 

feistiest:

listen… nothing in this world makes sense. fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing and boxing rings are square and noses run and feet smell and shrek 1 and 2 made it to cannes film festival. just do whatever the fuck you want honestly

dawnofthebadpuns:

discoursethot:

discoursethot:

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

this same idiot: what kind of animal is the pink panther

me, already taking off my clothes: benjamin you’re so fucking stupid

I’m laughing so hard, tbh

aurol:

one of the worst feelings ever is being in your own house and feeling like you need to go home

sixpenceee:

What breaking ice on a trampoline looks like. From here